Miztakes: Oops or Ouch?
Richard Skaare
Mistakes are not what they used to be. They once were black and white, intimidating, and your fault. Now a mistake is more oops than ouch, encouraged as development, and not completely your fault.
So, step right up and get credit. Well … maybe not.
The Reality
- Examples of good mistakes are few.
- Public figures — a.k.a. CEOs, elected officials, clergy — rarely admit to specific mistakes.
- Lessons learned from mistakes are praised, but making mistakes is still assumed to be a flaw in the miscreant.
- Most organizations, including the family, are structured to prevent making mistakes.
- Risk-taking, which is loaded with potential mistakes, is talked about but not encouraged or rewarded.
- Mistakes are viral. Err and everyone knows about it.
– Some folks will be ostensibly sympathetic
– Some will identify and be empathetic
– Some will laugh it off with you
– Others will not say anything, just think it
– One or two people will use it against you. - Mistakes are memorable. We all know that mistakes can be forgiven (somewhat), but rarely are they forgotten. That’s because most of us relive our mistakes regularly. Some parade them out of guilt or anger. And, repeat the same mistake and the self-righteous among us will have instant recall.
Now we’ve circled back to the truth: mistakes are not achievement badges.
So, let’s bundle up our mistakes, learn from them all at once, and move on.
What To Do With a Mistake
01 – Face It
Know that a mistake is just a mistake. Unless you repeat it consistently, a mistake is not necessarily an indictment of your abilities, your intelligence, you personality, or your upbringing. So, get on with your life.
02 – Feel It
Most of the self-flagellation following a mistake is caused by embarrasment, which vaporizes quickly into a fog of confusion but which will lift after awhile to let you see and feely clearly again.
03 – Anaylze It
04 – Zip It
Avoid compounding a mistake by overreactiong or counteracting. Joking about your error regular or beating up on yourself from time to time will keep the mistake visible. And going after those who judge your weak moment will only confirm your weakness.
04 – Own It
A mistake that you made is your mistake. Make sure you have a good ethical compass handy to prevent you from blaming, weasel-wording, lying, suggesting, or gossiping and to keep you away from arrogance, anger, ennui, pride, or impulsiveness — all of which can trigger more serious mistakes.
More Ideas
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I wrote an angry email to my oldest late one night that broke my 12-hour rule. I was right in the reprimand but wrong in the tone of the message. Here’s what I learned about regret, and how, maybe, to prevent a reocurrence.
Are You Paying Attention to Me?
When I stepped into the university classroom as a guest lecturer for a course titled “Computer-mediated Communication,” I faced 40 students sitting in rows of tables peering politely at me from behind computer screens while tapping on keys.
Back to the Foxhole
A regular paycheck after unemployment can cause us to forget what we promised in the tough times that we would do in the good times — like remembering people from back then. Time to return to the foxhole.